The Wall of Emotions

If you ever get to meet in my real life, you’ll rarely see me either mad or sad. I even have close friends that have never seen me mad… It literally happens once in a blue moon. If anything, I get more annoyed versus getting angry.

I am a private person. I don’t open up to people that easy. I’m not transparent. It just takes a long time for me to open up to someone. It isn’t due to me not being able to trust people. That isn’t the issue. It’s just that I am more introverted and reserved.

I have a hard time showing vulnerability. A lot of my feelings/thoughts build below the surface. It reaches a point where I hold it in for so long, when it finally does come out, most of the time I end up in tears. It just gets… overwhelming.

Lately, I’ve just been struggling with my emotions.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working with the my co-workers. There are definitely instances where I enjoy, but once that subsides after getting home, the true feelings come out.

I vent to my mom about frustrations and stress with work. There have been times where I’ve come close to tears with frustration about being spread too thin. Typically it’ll be the hardest, the first day I come back from work.

For example, last week I got to work about 10-15 minutes early. Almost instantly I had a co worker say, “You look tired.” The night before, knowing that I had work the next day, I still ignored going to sleep any earlier. You’d think being two days off would help me rest… but no. My feelings are getting harder to hide.

I REALLY have to change that soon.

I have to listen to myself attentively as I listen to others because at the end of the day… I’m the one that’s losing.

“Don’t fake being okay. You only hurt yourself. Be real with what you’re going through, just don’t let it consume you. Balance.”

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