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The Year Where Everything Changed

At the beginning of the year, I dubbed this year, “The Year of Happiness” for myself. I wanted to make more decisions that geared towards my own happiness. Obligations happen, life happen, routines happen. I’ve lived a lot of my life dependent on the feelings of others or even just the fear of making people upset/disappointed.

But at the end of the day, I realize I’ve spent so much time living the life that people want me to live. This is what happens when you grow up under this “people pleaser” mentality. It’s hard to shake it if it has been your upbringing for such a long time.

And then 2020 came, and for a lack of a better word has been a whirlwind. 2 months ago, life was rather normal. But now, as the shelter in place is still in effect, these past two months have cause me to reflect a lot. Reflect where I currently am and where I want to go.

I’ve recently hit the 2 year mark at my current job and the reality is… I don’t see a future. Lately, I’ve been really struggling mentally even with staying focused, very well knowing that this isn’t for me. A lot of the times the hardest decisions are often the most freeing.

I just have to give myself enough credit that whatever makes meant for me, will be, when that time comes.

When I reach the age of 30, I just want to be at a better point of my life. Mentally and physically (which is about a year and a half from now) A lot can happen in a year and a half.

I just have to spend the next year and a half hustling and grinding. Hustling towards the life I’ve always wanted.

Although I’m not quite at the place where I want to be now, I can’t forget to be grateful. Grateful that I’m still employed in such unprecedented times, but just have to shift more towards my happiness.

Happy moments of today:

Organizing my closet (I.e short sleeves, sleeveless, long sleeves)

https://youtu.be/5dI6hde6sNc

I’ve listened to this Genius Brain podcast so many times at this point, but find it super entertaining.

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