Projection: It’s Not You, It’s Them

I have been listening to self love podcasts lately and it dawned on me the reasons why people say what they say. It is a reflection of what they are directly feeling on the inside and end up taking it out on others, whether if it’s intentional or not.

It really is true. Hurt people, hurt people.

Ever since I’ve been in quarantine, I’ve been testing out Stitch Fix. Stitch fix is a clothing subscription service that allows you to try on clothes, according to your style quiz results. It’s similar to having your own personal stylist.

I recently received my box. Often what will happen is I’ll open the box when my mom is present. I’ll try them on, see if I like them, and show them to my mom as well. In this particular instance, I tried on an intricate laced top. I liked the details before putting it on, but once I was wearing it, I wasn’t a big fan of how it fit.

So you think it ends there.

My mom shared she liked the item and I insisted I didn’t. She was still pushing her point of why she liked it and again me… I wasn’t being swayed AT ALL.

There was a second item that I decided to buy, but had to exchange for a smaller size. Mind you, my mom did not see this second item on me. I decided to go a size smaller, since there were parts of the blouse that were loose. I told my mom this and might I say the reaction on her face wasn’t something I was expecting. When I responded to her I had to go a size smaller, she was surprised… but in a bad way. The vibe I caught was that she was surprised that it was even possible for me to order one size smaller (I was going from a L to a M). Soon after it happened, the situation just didn’t settle well with me.

I reflected on the situation from another perspective. I knew from previous experiences, my mom isn’t a fan of tighter fitting clothing. She specifically doesn’t like wearing tighter fitting clothing herself. I had to be aware that hey, she’s saying that because she herself doesn’t like tighter clothing personally, not necessarily because she doesn’t want me to wear these clothes.

Just because someone doesn’t like something on you, doesn’t mean you don’t look good in the clothing, it can be a result of projection. The person is saying these things because they have been likely judged themself and/or are self conscious and now they’re doing it to you. Just because someone is saying something about you, doesn’t mean it’s true. If you LOVE what you’re wearing, that’s all that matters. The clothing is a reflection of you, not them. So own your own skin!… Or in this case clothes 🙂

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