The Honest Moment

You have to be honest with yourself.

In ways, I don’t feel like myself.

I don’t feel motivated to do anything.

My upper back and shoulders are in pain.

On my days off, I literally sit around and do nothing. I get bouts of nausea for doing nothing.

The motivation I need will not be coming from me staying in my room 24/7. I have applied for jobs, none of which I have received any responses from yet.

I feel stagnant. I feel hopeless. I feel like I’m failing at life.




Disloyal to my Soul

For someone who values loyalty a lot, I have been disloyal… to myself.

In a world of trying to stay on a grind, it is very easy to lose sight of myself and my overall well-being.

I can bring work home literally and figuratively. It’s hard to cross a line between. It is difficult to turn off my work mindset. I compare it most to a machine always on the go. I always feel that I should be doing something with my down time.

I’m still trying to learn to breathe.

Balance is key.


The Work Plateau

Lately, I have lost my inspiration. Whatever you may a call it…

A rut. A quarter life crisis. I just feel… stagnant.

I had a massage a couple of weeks ago and my masseuse said, I was even more tense than last time. I attribute a lot of that to my job. A LOT. Just physically, the computers are too low and I am short in comparison to the desk. My feet and back often hurt after working a shift.

It’s normal.

I didn’t realize how much it took a toll on my body, until yesterday. She went into how tense I was, that I had a bunch of knots in my body, ever since the last time she saw me.

I know it is very hard for me to break a routine. To break what is comfortable. You can be in a good place… but not a great place. You’re good at what you do, but that’s it. You feel that you can no longer grow.

If something is not what you love, if something is not what you enjoy, if you’re in something to live someone else’s dream, leave.

You’re in it for all the wrong reasons. At the end of the day, who is losing? You.

I am in the thick of that right now. With all that has happened at my work for the last two years, I applaud myself that I even lasted this long. A LOT has happened. A lot of turnover, new management, drama, it all can take a mental toll. To be completely honest with myself, I have taken it as far as I could. I have stayed because: I felt obligated. I owed it to my management as an employee, I stayed for my co-workers, I didn’t want to let people down.

But as I even type those reasons… I notice one thing.

I never did it for… myself. I was never happy myself. When you are happy, it shows. It is undeniable.

If I disregarded people’s opinions, what life would I decide to live?

I place so much value on other’s opinions, I have to constantly remind myself, don’t forget about you, the most valuable opinion of all.

“Be fearless in in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”