Health, Lifestyle

Nurturing Loneliness

If I’m completely honest, I haven’t really been inspired to write lately.

I definitely hit a stride for the past few months, but as 2021 is upon us…

*crickets*

It just hasn’t been flowing.

As I’ve mentioned before, I dubbed this year, “The Year of Transformation”

And that applies to all aspects of my life.

I’d be lying if this pandemic hasn’t affected me mentally. As my blog name suggests, I am an introvert and for most of the pandemic, I was managing well.

Being at home didn’t phase me as much, since I’m a homebody.

But as time has passed, even as I type this, I had this lonely wave come over me (possibly due to a lack of sleep last night).

If there’s one thing I want to highlight on my blog it’s the awareness of both the great times

and the not-so great times.

I am a pretty positive person, but I’m also human.

I’ve grown up knowing that being vulnerable isn’t something to show. I will hold back tears as long as I possibly can, until I can’t anymore.

I’m the type to let things build below the surface and admit I’ve caused more emotional pain to myself, by not just expressing explicitly how I felt.

As I grow older, I have to learn to just let it flow.

If I’m upset, be upset.

If I’m sad, be sad.

It’s one thing to let intense feelings build, but that also restrains me from the “good” feelings as well.

I couldn’t tell you the last time I’ve felt overwhelming feelings of happiness.

And even just typing that sentence above, I feel bad for myself.

All in all, it’s time to prioritize my happiness and not look back.

Relationships

The High School Crush

It’s interesting how life decides to show itself. 

A couple of weeks ago, I had a conversation with a former high school crush. I hadn’t talked nor seen this person in 11 years. It started from a random IG message and ended in a late night FaceTime call.

We shared drunken memories, early 2000s music, 90s kid references, and caught up on life since we’d last seen one another. 

As the conversation went on, I couldn’t help but put myself in the “high school” version of me.

A former crush contacting me after all these years?

Sounds like a dream a come true for any high school girl, right?

The conversation would’ve likely satisfied the “high school me” back then.

Then reality sets in.

…and that isn’t the case anymore. 

Lifestyles don’t match up, different personality styles, I just didn’t see the overlap as I once did before.

It’s a part of my life that I wasn’t interested in getting into again. 

I was okay with it being a part of my past, but knew it didn’t have a place in my future.

Over the past 11 years, I’ve matured. I have a better grasp on what kind of people I need in my life and recognize where the boundaries need to be drawn.

I realized during that conversation, that there is a time and place for everything. 

People will come in and out of your life as new or recurring characters, new chapters, or make it to the happy ending.

It’s up to you to guide the story.

Lifestyle

Feel your Feelings

It takes a lot of courage to put myself out there. It’s just not my natural instinct to tell the world, “Hey! This is how I feel.”

As a result, I’ve definitely suppressed a lot of feelings.

I’ve questioned myself countless times…

Why didn’t I just I say how I feel?

Why did I hold back?

No matter how well you know a person, you’ll never truly know how they feel, unless they communicate it.

Whether it may be feelings of heartbreak, a sudden loss, a major life change, there’s strength in acknowledging your feelings as they arise.

Especially at the state of the world now, I’d be lying If I hadn’t experienced bouts of anxiety, loneliness, and fear in these last 6 months.

With that being said, I recently signed up for counseling. I walked away from the session feeling relieved. There is a definitely a sense of vulnerability, but to me it provided guidance in a way that I didn’t think I needed.