The Story Behind the Highlight Reel

(I wrote this 3 years ago, but still feel it is still relevant today)

“How often in our daily lives had we put conditions on our happiness? When we get the house paid off, then we can be happy. When things settle down with the kids, then we’ll be able to do more together. There is so little joy for the here and now in the uncertainties of the whens and thens.”

– Jeannie Lancaster (Chicken Soup for the Soul)

This resonated with me more than I thought.

Once I graduate, I can get a job and be happy.

I can get married and be happy.

I can have kids and be happy.

We wait until particular milestones and assume that those milestones would equal happiness.

I graduated from college in December 2013 and for a very long time, I had high expectations for my special day. I wanted everything to be perfect.

The moment came and gone… just like that.

We put a lot of pressure on those “high” points, whether it’s graduation, getting married, having kinds, getting a new job, etc. It’s our highlight reel.

But it’s very easy to forget… the behind the scenes story.

The story line that shows those sleep deprived nights in college, the nights falling asleep studying, the moments with friends when you probably should have been studying lol.

We wait until that “highlight” to celebrate. Why put so much pressure on that moment?

We shouldn’t forget to celebrate that good grade on that quiz, we shouldn’t forget to celebrate the hard work coming, we shouldn’t forget to celebrate the smaller moments.

We shouldn’t wait until the highlight.

We shouldn’t wait for the “perfect” moment, because why wait? Life is short.

We are so concentrated on societal milestones that display our current status that we fail to do it for our own happiness.

I have that problem. I’m working on it. I cannot spend my time having my life depend on someone else’s views. we give SO MUCH value to someone else’s opinion,  but we forget our own.

You are important.

Your views matter too, you are no less than that “other” opinion.



The Ups and Downs of Motivation

What happens when you are unmotivated? Lately I’ve been hit with the, “I have no energy, unmotivated, and unproductive” bug.

Or it could be, “I’ve been in quarantine for 6 months,” bug.

Otherwise, just experiencing one of those lows at the moment.

Through quarantine life, I did have a reflection period on what I could do to be a better version of myself, once this pandemic over. But of course, to maintain that energy and motivation through and through isn’t easy. Even as an introvert, I’m finding myself reaching the point of missing on being around people and even being physically close to someone (which I honestly was surprised by). It isn’t until you are truly alone, that you learn these type of things.

How do you climb out of these funks?Any tips or suggestions? I would love to know below.


My “New Year’s” Resolution

Whenever I turn a year older, it forces me to reflect on what happened in the past year. A lot of times, I barely can remember.

Out of insecurity, I kind of stopped of taking pictures of my life. This stemmed from my weight gain, in not wanting to visually see what I looked like, but also resulted in me to not taking pictures of my life AT ALL.

Yesterday, I made a vow for myself: To get closer to my “highest self” in the next year.

As said by Riley Lawson:

“This is not someone outside of yourself, nor someone you become, your highest self is your truth. It’s your soul and your heart and all things pure that love within you.”

“This truth is what existed within you before your upbringing, before your experiences, pain, rejection, abandonment, and fear got away. It often gets buried so deep through these things that are connection to it becomes blocked.”

“The more connected to your highest self you become, the deeper you access genuine confidence.”

As limited as time can be, I owe it to myself to prioritize myself. I’m positive there will definitely be uncomfortable moments, will not be easy, and anxiety will be at all time high, but at the end of the day, my values will guide me to the life I’ve always wanted.

Wish me luck.


Searching for my New Chapter

The more you search for something, it gets harder to find. You devote your time and energy… and it still isn’t enough.

You never know how long searching for a job will take. With my current job, it took about two months.

But this time around, it’s taking a lot longer.

I started my search at around this time last year. I had a turning point at work.

It was a day that kind of… set me over of the edge.

The stress. Workload. Happenings at work. All just got to me and made me realize…

I can’t do this anymore. 

It’s not worth it. It’s one thing if I knew that it was my passion or if it was my dream to be in this industry.

But I knew it wasn’t.

I feel if your heart and soul is devoted to something, whether if it’s a relationship or a even a job, you’d be able to stick it out. You would fight for something/someone if you know the fight will be worth it in the end…

That day made me realize it wasn’t.

I am in this period of my life where I need to be selfish take care of myself.

And that includes my job. The company I am at now, I’ve been with for over 2 and half years. It is my first job and it’s been a roller coaster to say the least. I have been there through a management change, high turnover period, and just stress overload.

I care so much about people that I can let others influence my decision at the end of the day. I am very empathetic and am very conscious of others’ feelings and thoughts…

Which means my feelings can fall on the back burner, fall down the priority list, when in reality, it should be at the top. 

I am over analytical. So you don’t know how many times I have played this situation over and over in my head…

“If I leave, what’s gonna happen?”

“If I leave, the burden is gonna fall on ____”

“If I leave, my obligations at work will go to _____”

I’m always thinking about the outcome of others, but not looking at…

How am I gonna feel at the end of the day? Will I be happier than I am now?

I generally am a happy person, it is very rare that close friends of mine will know something is wrong.

Over these past 2.5 years, I haven’t been the happiest. Not even close. I didn’t even know that was possible.

Work. Sleep. Repeat.

At first, my work was my escape. I was still reeling over a break up when I first got my job. These two worlds had no overlap, so it made it easier for me to get me through it.

But now, I’ve healed in my love life.

But work hasn’t put me in the greatest position, emotionally speaking.

It’s hard for me to break a routine. Getting comfortable and complacent, guilty as charged. 

I vent about issues and problems about work to my mom, but don’t back it up with proactivity.

My coworker has even called me out on it… and she’s right. 

“You’re taking your sweet ass time.”

With my coworker who is getting ready to move to another city, it puts me in a not-so great position, with the potential of working nights again.

I just can’t let that happen.

At the end of the day, I have to decide what’s best for me.

I need to start a new chapter in my life.