Lifestyle, Relationships

Putting Yourself Out There

It’s scary.

Last Wednesday, I attended a BTS virtual meetup for the first time and my introverted self was TERRIFIED.

(…Which is ironic since I’m an admin/receptionist and communicate with others all the time, but I digress)

The main difference is I’m voluntarily approaching the group, but in my day job it’s vice versa, I get asked questions, which as an introvert, makes the difference.

Lately, I haven’t been able to contribute to conversations as much as I’d like to (because of situations I can’t relate to) and I’m not super versed in initiating conversations in those type of environments.

As everyone knows, all these zoom/teams meetings are mainly 2 people going back and forth and others chiming in to the conversation when possible, if it’s anymore than that… it’s just people talking over each other.

With my meetup experience last Wednesday, I felt it was the first time in awhile that I’ve been able to contribute and relate to the topics going on, you know? I was surrounded by fellow fans and they were able to understand references I made and simply understand what I was talking about.

I just felt relieved.

It’s the beginning of getting out this antisocial rut I’ve been in lately.

I honestly compare it to the feeling of sticking your feet into the water for the first time to see if it’s okay to get in and much to your surprise it’s a lot more manageable to jump in, if that makes sense?

In retrospect, this is the first time I’ve searched for a social group based on common interests. All my friend circles over the years have always been a result of the environment I was in, not because we had the same interests.

In high school and college, it was individuals you’d have class with or it was because of joining a club and/or organization.

In the workplace, it’s people you directly work with, but again, there are no guarantees that interests will align.

There is a balance in both, but for me recently, there was a side of me that was unhappy not being able to share my thoughts/feelings about common interests I had.

It’s just one step closer to finding my tribe and feeling authentically myself.

Lifestyle

Life on Autopilot

Photo by Lu00ea Minh on Pexels.com

My early 20s in retrospect for me, felt like years of being on autopilot.

Cruise control.

Driving from point A to point B, but never realizing the journey in between. 

Digging my mind and life into distraction.

All along suppressing my true feelings of happiness for stability.

After college graduation and a breakup, I decided to remain single, to concentrate on my own wellbeing.

Although I healed in one aspect of my life, others took a hit. 

I retreated. I isolated. I distracted. 

I recently got a glimpse of where my life could’ve been and since then it’s made me realize…

You can’t go through things alone. 

It can only get you so far.

As I’ve gotten older, my introversion has gotten stronger and I am more inclined to retreat now.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I have realized the walls I’ve built are very high.

I definitely have a challenge ahead of me, but in a time that the world is going through a life changing event, I will be as well.