Lifestyle, Relationships

Putting Yourself Out There

It’s scary.

Last Wednesday, I attended a BTS virtual meetup for the first time and my introverted self was TERRIFIED.

(…Which is ironic since I’m an admin/receptionist and communicate with others all the time, but I digress)

The main difference is I’m voluntarily approaching the group, but in my day job it’s vice versa, I get asked questions, which as an introvert, makes the difference.

Lately, I haven’t been able to contribute to conversations as much as I’d like to (because of situations I can’t relate to) and I’m not super versed in initiating conversations in those type of environments.

As everyone knows, all these zoom/teams meetings are mainly 2 people going back and forth and others chiming in to the conversation when possible, if it’s anymore than that… it’s just people talking over each other.

With my meetup experience last Wednesday, I felt it was the first time in awhile that I’ve been able to contribute and relate to the topics going on, you know? I was surrounded by fellow fans and they were able to understand references I made and simply understand what I was talking about.

I just felt relieved.

It’s the beginning of getting out this antisocial rut I’ve been in lately.

I honestly compare it to the feeling of sticking your feet into the water for the first time to see if it’s okay to get in and much to your surprise it’s a lot more manageable to jump in, if that makes sense?

In retrospect, this is the first time I’ve searched for a social group based on common interests. All my friend circles over the years have always been a result of the environment I was in, not because we had the same interests.

In high school and college, it was individuals you’d have class with or it was because of joining a club and/or organization.

In the workplace, it’s people you directly work with, but again, there are no guarantees that interests will align.

There is a balance in both, but for me recently, there was a side of me that was unhappy not being able to share my thoughts/feelings about common interests I had.

It’s just one step closer to finding my tribe and feeling authentically myself.

Lifestyle

Life on Autopilot

Photo by Lu00ea Minh on Pexels.com

My early 20s in retrospect for me, felt like years of being on autopilot.

Cruise control.

Driving from point A to point B, but never realizing the journey in between. 

Digging my mind and life into distraction.

All along suppressing my true feelings of happiness for stability.

After college graduation and a breakup, I decided to remain single, to concentrate on my own wellbeing.

Although I healed in one aspect of my life, others took a hit. 

I retreated. I isolated. I distracted. 

I recently got a glimpse of where my life could’ve been and since then it’s made me realize…

You can’t go through things alone. 

It can only get you so far.

As I’ve gotten older, my introversion has gotten stronger and I am more inclined to retreat now.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, I have realized the walls I’ve built are very high.

I definitely have a challenge ahead of me, but in a time that the world is going through a life changing event, I will be as well.

Lifestyle

The Ups and Downs of Motivation

What happens when you are unmotivated? Lately I’ve been hit with the, “I have no energy, unmotivated, and unproductive” bug.

Or it could be, “I’ve been in quarantine for 6 months,” bug.

Otherwise, just experiencing one of those lows at the moment.

Through quarantine life, I did have a reflection period on what I could do to be a better version of myself, once this pandemic over. But of course, to maintain that energy and motivation through and through isn’t easy. Even as an introvert, I’m finding myself reaching the point of missing on being around people and even being physically close to someone (which I honestly was surprised by). It isn’t until you are truly alone, that you learn these type of things.

How do you climb out of these funks?Any tips or suggestions? I would love to know below.

Uncategorized

The True Reason Behind “Introverted Ro”

This site originally started as a personal blog of mine to mainly capture thoughts and feelings I have at any certain time in my life. I very rarely go back and read what I’ve written before, but know it’s there if I need to reference it for whatever reason.

But there is one thing that I’m still struggling with. Being myself, as simple as that sounds. I could only hope that “Introverted Ro” would not only be an outlet to express myself but to help me tear down this wall inside me. Who I really am behind the surface and not having this hesitancy or fear about others judgment. This goes to say that I don’t have to be 100% transparent with my life, since I value privacy, but ultimately for me to just… not be afraid of just being me wholeheartedly vs. society standards for me to live my life. 

I just have to bring down this wall and be me and for those out there who are going through a similar journey… You aren’t alone. 

Lifestyle

The Wall of Emotions

If you ever get to meet in my real life, you’ll rarely see me either mad or sad. I even have close friends that have never seen me mad… It literally happens once in a blue moon. If anything, I get more annoyed versus getting angry.

I am a private person. I don’t open up to people that easy. I’m not transparent. It just takes a long time for me to open up to someone. It isn’t due to me not being able to trust people. That isn’t the issue. It’s just that I am more introverted and reserved.

I have a hard time showing vulnerability. A lot of my feelings/thoughts build below the surface. It reaches a point where I hold it in for so long, when it finally does come out, most of the time I end up in tears. It just gets… overwhelming.

Lately, I’ve just been struggling with my emotions.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy working with the my co-workers. There are definitely instances where I enjoy, but once that subsides after getting home, the true feelings come out.

I vent to my mom about frustrations and stress with work. There have been times where I’ve come close to tears with frustration about being spread too thin. Typically it’ll be the hardest, the first day I come back from work.

For example, last week I got to work about 10-15 minutes early. Almost instantly I had a co worker say, “You look tired.” The night before, knowing that I had work the next day, I still ignored going to sleep any earlier. You’d think being two days off would help me rest… but no. My feelings are getting harder to hide.

I REALLY have to change that soon.

I have to listen to myself attentively as I listen to others because at the end of the day… I’m the one that’s losing.

“Don’t fake being okay. You only hurt yourself. Be real with what you’re going through, just don’t let it consume you. Balance.”