Lifestyle

The Turning Point

I somewhat feel I’m in an almost 30 life crisis.

I will be moving out before the end of this year.

To where? I have yet to decide.

Do I sign an apartment lease closer to my current job?

Or move to a more affordable city and change jobs?

Decisions. Decisions. Decisions.

I have reached a point where I can no longer live under the roof of my parents, it’s just time.

I am grateful that my parents allowed me to live at home for the past 6 years. Had that not been the case, I would have not been able pay off my car and my student loans.

It’s time to prioritize my well being and be in an environment that promotes personal growth.

There is a lot of uncertainty of course. The job search is definitely not the most fun process to go through. (I.e it took me about a year to find the current job I’m in, but it’s not in the industry I see a career in)

Although I value a lot of structure, I’ve also reached another point of… do I want to work for another company?

Honestly… Not really.

So freelancing and/or being an entrepreneur is an option on the table.

I don’t really want to be on another company’s timetable anymore.

With working from home, I’ve had time to think about how precious life is, how important your health is, and also to concentrate effort on what truly makes you happy.

I can admit I am definitely one of those people that hardly takes vacations. I definitely can cross into the workaholic territory very easily.

BUT.

With this pandemic, I’m sure I’m not the only one ITCHING to travel. I caught the travel bug later in my 20s, so the pandemic sort of stopped my streak of traveling since 2016.

When the world reaches a more manageable environment to travel in or I get vaccinated or both, I definitely am booking a trip for sure. First on that list: Japan (and Korea)

I’ve been learning Korean for the past two months and would love to practice in real life and maybe learn enough Japanese to travel comfortably.

But until then, the focus now needs to be on furthering my development, both professionally and personally.

What’s most important is to have faith in my own competencies and abilities. It will not be an easy journey, but it will be worth it. Whatever’s meant to be, will be.

Lifestyle

The Case of the Mondays

Monday is definitely not my favorite day of the week.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve always dreaded them. Pre-COVID, I would wake up each Monday thinking, “Ah.. here we are again, start of the new week, same thing, different day.

I work an 8-5 job, but prior to the stay at home orders, my commute was at LEAST an hour each way. In the afternoons, it’d be closer to 90 minutes.

Hello Bay Area traffic… HATE IT.

So whenever Mondays would come around, it was always a reminder of my work routine. Although I’d spend 8 hours out of my day working, I’d end up dedicating close to 10 hours. Sleep. Eat. Commute. Work. Repeat that 5 times a week.

On my rougher commute days, what I’d listen to on my commute would vary.

If I was really stressed, I’d drive in silence.

Yes, you read that right. Sounds weird, but it works.

My inner monologue would just go crazy, anything from thoughts about work stress to maybe a dream I had the night before or to even just appreciating the sunrise.

But on most days, my commutes were filled with music. My playlist was and is still FILLED with Korean music. BTS, Hyolyn, Jay Park, Dean, Hoody, sprinkled in with some Western artists as well such as Jojo, CHIKA, and Ella Mai.

On the commute home, I’d sometimes change it to podcasts.

Currently on my podcast list: Genius Brain, Fun with Dumb, Perfectly Imperfect, Asian Boss Girl, Get Real, and just today I’ve added one that honestly inspired me to do this post based on the first episode.

The Habit Coach with Ashdin Doctor.

The first episode is ONLY 4 minutes and I already have walked away from the podcast applying his tip: The Monday Highlight.

To essentially add something to your schedule on Monday to look forward to.

My first thoughts… GENIUS.

I am guilty of getting stuck into a routine and unknowingly letting that routine suck out any mental capacity I have left at the end of the day.

So I applied his tip to my day tomorrow. First Monday highlight for me? I signed up for a virtual escape room.

Ashdin goes on to say in the episode that by applying the Monday highlight, it is likely to pass onto other days of the week.

I was purely amazed over the fact, by listening to this podcast today, my Mondays will be forever changed.

Goodbye, case of the Mondays!

Lifestyle

Searching for my New Chapter

The more you search for something, it gets harder to find. You devote your time and energy… and it still isn’t enough.

You never know how long searching for a job will take. With my current job, it took about two months.

But this time around, it’s taking a lot longer.

I started my search at around this time last year. I had a turning point at work.

It was a day that kind of… set me over of the edge.

The stress. Workload. Happenings at work. All just got to me and made me realize…

I can’t do this anymore. 

It’s not worth it. It’s one thing if I knew that it was my passion or if it was my dream to be in this industry.

But I knew it wasn’t.

I feel if your heart and soul is devoted to something, whether if it’s a relationship or a even a job, you’d be able to stick it out. You would fight for something/someone if you know the fight will be worth it in the end…

That day made me realize it wasn’t.

I am in this period of my life where I need to be selfish take care of myself.

And that includes my job. The company I am at now, I’ve been with for over 2 and half years. It is my first job and it’s been a roller coaster to say the least. I have been there through a management change, high turnover period, and just stress overload.

I care so much about people that I can let others influence my decision at the end of the day. I am very empathetic and am very conscious of others’ feelings and thoughts…

Which means my feelings can fall on the back burner, fall down the priority list, when in reality, it should be at the top. 

I am over analytical. So you don’t know how many times I have played this situation over and over in my head…

“If I leave, what’s gonna happen?”

“If I leave, the burden is gonna fall on ____”

“If I leave, my obligations at work will go to _____”

I’m always thinking about the outcome of others, but not looking at…

How am I gonna feel at the end of the day? Will I be happier than I am now?

I generally am a happy person, it is very rare that close friends of mine will know something is wrong.

Over these past 2.5 years, I haven’t been the happiest. Not even close. I didn’t even know that was possible.

Work. Sleep. Repeat.

At first, my work was my escape. I was still reeling over a break up when I first got my job. These two worlds had no overlap, so it made it easier for me to get me through it.

But now, I’ve healed in my love life.

But work hasn’t put me in the greatest position, emotionally speaking.

It’s hard for me to break a routine. Getting comfortable and complacent, guilty as charged. 

I vent about issues and problems about work to my mom, but don’t back it up with proactivity.

My coworker has even called me out on it… and she’s right. 

“You’re taking your sweet ass time.”

With my coworker who is getting ready to move to another city, it puts me in a not-so great position, with the potential of working nights again.

I just can’t let that happen.

At the end of the day, I have to decide what’s best for me.

I need to start a new chapter in my life.

Lifestyle

Being Linked in with Work

Photo by Sora Shimazaki on Pexels.com

I am not going to even lie, LinkedIn can be intimidating.

I am in the process of looking for other job opportunities. Currently I feel I’m getting closer to the end of this job chapter in my life and am eager to start a new one.

Just a moment ago, I scanned through my network on LinkedIn and I must admit, it got intimidating REAL quick.

I somehow found myself scrolling through my contacts job titles…

Analyst…

Registered Nurse…

MSN…

Legal Secretary…

Administrative Assistant…

It all off sudden just put me in place.

My mind started to go down that road…

“What am I doing with my life?”

Then I had to stop. 

In this very instant, my thought very well could have continued down that path…

“What am I doing with my life? Everyone has these sophisticated job titles and here I am still am at my current job, with not much movement.”

But.

I had to quickly change my train of thought.

“All these job titles I see… I can do it too. It may not be now, but it’s possible. The job that is meant to be mine, will be. I can’t force what isn’t meant to be there. For every no, you are one step closer to your yes.”

Lifestyle

The Honest Moment

You have to be honest with yourself.

In ways, I don’t feel like myself.

I don’t feel motivated to do anything.

My upper back and shoulders are in pain.

On my days off, I literally sit around and do nothing. I get bouts of nausea for doing nothing.

The motivation I need will not be coming from me staying in my room 24/7. I have applied for jobs, none of which I have received any responses from yet.

I feel stagnant. I feel hopeless. I feel like I’m failing at life.

 

 

Lifestyle

The Work Plateau

Lately, I have lost my inspiration. Whatever you may a call it…

A rut. A quarter life crisis. I just feel… stagnant.

I had a massage a couple of weeks ago and my masseuse said, I was even more tense than last time. I attribute a lot of that to my job. A LOT. Just physically, the computers are too low and I am short in comparison to the desk. My feet and back often hurt after working a shift.

It’s normal.

I didn’t realize how much it took a toll on my body, until yesterday. She went into how tense I was, that I had a bunch of knots in my body, ever since the last time she saw me.

I know it is very hard for me to break a routine. To break what is comfortable. You can be in a good place… but not a great place. You’re good at what you do, but that’s it. You feel that you can no longer grow.

If something is not what you love, if something is not what you enjoy, if you’re in something to live someone else’s dream, leave.

You’re in it for all the wrong reasons. At the end of the day, who is losing? You.

I am in the thick of that right now. With all that has happened at my work for the last two years, I applaud myself that I even lasted this long. A LOT has happened. A lot of turnover, new management, drama, it all can take a mental toll. To be completely honest with myself, I have taken it as far as I could. I have stayed because: I felt obligated. I owed it to my management as an employee, I stayed for my co-workers, I didn’t want to let people down.

But as I even type those reasons… I notice one thing.

I never did it for… myself. I was never happy myself. When you are happy, it shows. It is undeniable.

If I disregarded people’s opinions, what life would I decide to live?

I place so much value on other’s opinions, I have to constantly remind myself, don’t forget about you, the most valuable opinion of all.

“Be fearless in in the pursuit of what sets your soul on fire.”

 

 

 

Lifestyle

The Chapter of Change

“Stop feeling bad for yourself and find the brighter side.” – Rafael Solano

We are our own self critics. I am unhappy, but am not as proactive as I should be.

I am in that place now. Like I’ve mentioned before, I am not in an industry that I LOVE working in. You have high expectations coming out of college. “I’m gonna find a job that I will work at for the rest of my life.”

You have to learn when to cross the line, when the work experience you feel has taken you as far as you need it to.

I am at that point. It it is very common to just find me going through the motions. Work, sleep, eat, repeat. 5 days a week, 8+ hours a day. It gets monotonous.

I need change. I need a change of scenery. I need new experiences. i need a new zest for life, because my morale is pretty low right now.

You just know when something isn’t right, just trust your instinct.

Make your time worth it.